Why Life Makes Sense Through The Haze Of Alcohol

I'm happier drunk than sober.

Some would say "Thats sad," or "You're an alcoholic," but let's face it people who don't drink are tools, so who cares what they say? No, what I"m saying is life makes more sense when drunk. And I think I finally figured it out. We think entirely too much. We as a society are dumb as dog shit. We worry about our hair, our weight, what shoes are in style, what bands are cool, not looking stupid in front of your friends, can I chug a beer properly without out getting it all over myself? All this bullshit ruins us. Depending on who you are it could be worse/not so bad, but either way this crap does us no good. Personally for me it's pretty bad. I worry about everything, from coming off as a loser to a particular girl to random glances from people (is my fly unzipped?). Alcohol changes all this. And this is truly the only reason I wouldn't mind being an alcoholic. This voice(voices, depending on how schizophrenic you are) disappear because of alcohol; because of this you can now do things that you previously might not have been able to do: hit on that hot girl, tell that asshole how you really feel it's empowering to be drunk. And who cares if that girl is really laughing at you, you'll probably be too drunk to notice. And if that asshole who you just told off takes a swing at you, you won't feel it; alcohol is the full-proof plan to the better you. Think about it, when you don't worry about stuff life is pretty enjoyable; and if alcohol helps me stop worrying then God Bless alcohol.

Amen.

Oh, and for future notice. If you don't have the balls to leave your name, I"ll probably delete your comments just to piss you off.

My Advice: Take Advantage Of Drunk Chicks...

OK so we've all been there. You're at a social gathering of some sort, if it's at Rowan you're stuck in some cramped basement drinking warm beast and "In Da'Club" comes on for the 50th time. This girl your with is wasted completely off her ass, she's basically offering herself to you. You on the other had are not that drunk. You chugged up a couple beers but couldn't get drunk before the Frat got kicked (fuckers). She being so small was probably fucking gone after 2 beers. So you bide your time and offer to walk her home. You cruise across campus stumbling past groups of beer zombie freshmen asking "Yo where da party at?" and finally make it back to her dorm. You pause outside to wrap up a cute conversation about Beyonce going solo or whatever you damn kids talk about these days. When finally you have a moral decsion to make. Do you A) Go upstairs and take advantage to this poor thing who is using the wall of Mimosa to keep from toppiling over? Or do you B) Give her a peck on the cheek pass her the screen name, and tell her you'll see her around? So what did you say let me see your score sheet.....you answered B *Buzzer* Oh i'm sorry thats incorrect, the correct answer was DO IT YOU FOOL! Confused? Allow me to explain. If this chick is as wasted as I described as above or a sorrority chick, then you could probably go as close to impregnating her without her caring in the morning. Of all the bad things that can happen to you their really all unlikely, she'll probably wake up with a hang over with no clue as to what happened, as long as you make sure you're not there in the morning then your fine. If she has a cockblocking roommate then you were fucked from the start, and it doens't matter if you wanna get jiggy with it. But if you're stupid like me, then those few seconds before you trot upstairs to violate a girl something told you wait a minute. What if I take the high road? What if I play the hero, and not the villain? I bet she would really respect me having the control to just walk her home and then leave, only to reestablish connections at a later time. I WAS WRONG, and you're wrong too if you think this will work, why? Because mostlikely she's too drunk to even remember YOU period. And if she does remember you she'll take what you did the wrong way. She either think that you arn't attracted to her, or perhaps that you were too pussy to go for it. Either way their is no advantage to not screwing over the bitches. I think this is a deep life lesson that every man has to figure out for himself, girls only understand being mistreated. So as the saying goes: "Treat a girl like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud."

The Downfall of Timothy James Green

Somtimes I think I have these breakthroughs where I learn something about myself. I stand back and go wow...It's amazing that I've figured that out. Sometimes it turns out to be bullshit, and sometimes it's not. One such thing that has seem to hold true is that I wear my weaknesses on my sleave. I can't help myself but shout out to people what a loser I am all the time, and whats worst is I know I'm doing it, I just can't stop. Example: making big deals over girls who I wasn't even involved with. Whenever those particular girls are around I get angry enough to put my hand through a wall, but instead I normally just get really trashed and then get into a huge fight. I can't just walk the other way, be the bigger man, show some character. I wear my weakness on my sleaves. I do it again, and again, and again. The other night two of them were togeather I was drunk and I did the RIGHT thing in staying away from them drinking back at the ASA house, but no they had to be brought and dangled in front of me. I got to sit back and watch them chit chat, I was told later they were talking about me. There's that feeling again where I just want break something, why does it bother me so much? Why can't I stop despite that I know how pathetic it makes me look? All my enemies in life are girls, what the hell does that say about me? My friends have even remarked "dude you seem to fight with chicks alot." Yup I do. If god is an evil child with a magnifying glass burning me on my ant hill then girls are a teasing zookeeper dangling meat over a hungry lion. They love to just torment you. Any girl who has been a decent human being has instantly been deemed by me or themselves as too good for me. I finally told the second becky that I was through with it I had enough friends go dick tease someone else. I guess I should be proud of myself right? I didn't say anything that night, I could have. I wanted to so bad. ANd now so even more that I know those two shit-eaters were talking about me. Is it more pathetic that they had nothing better to talk about then me? Or is it more pathetic that I'm so pissed off about it? I dunno the answer to that. But I don't feel better about doing nothing cuz I feel like I'm letting them off easy, I'm a funny asshole around my friends and I'm a hardcore Prick to my enemies and they DESERVE no less. Will they talk about me restraining myself, or how maybe I'm not as huge as an asshole that they say I am, no they won't. Why do I care what they think I don't know. Chaulk it up to my stupidity. I don't know how I became like this, i'm normally really introverted. Growing up a fatkid you get picked on alot. My parents always told me to ignore it. So I did. All this anger would just build up in me, I don't remember how I ever released it. The kids that shot up Columbine, I don't condone what they did but I defintely understand why they did it. I had a hitlist growing up of people I would have loved to see die. I used to be proud of myself for yelling at the whore who had done me wrong. The night she started it I don't regret, she brought it on herself.
So this is me a guy living at the rock bottom. I guess I'll try to go back to biting my lip, holding my tongue, hiding the anger. I guess all emotions arn't just. I guess not if your insane, then your actions motivated by mal-emotion, only do harm.

circumscription

"You can be anything you want to be when you grow up." Thats what parents and teachers tell you as your growing up. This was supposed to encourage us to believe that we could accomplish our dreams no matter what they be. The mentality being that with hard work you can accomplish anything. I used to prescribe to this school of thought. But more and more I'm starting to believe that it is impossible to overcome and change what we are. When I try to change for the better I honestly find myself feeling out of my skin. Like I"m attempting to defy nature by being something other than what comes naturally to me.
I wonder if I should just give up and accept what I am, for being all that can be and move on. But then you hear stories of people changing themselves through hard work...is it possible?
I have two sides to me, a good side and a bad side. The good side is optimistic, he believes he can do anything, he will find a way to beat his weight problem, he will write everyday, eat well everyday, play bass everyday, try to speak up around girls everyday, he will do the right thing everyday. My bad side has given up, he believes he is what he is, that he will always be fat, he will always be an asshole, that playing bass is pointless because he'll never get good at it or be in a band, that girls are a lost cause, and he is inherently too weak to do the right thing.
The sad part is I feel that more people believe I am the bad side then the good side. Or maybe thats just the bad side talking. I want to be a better person, so many people inspire me to be more then just a stupid fat white american man. But then again I think I am stuck in so many limitations that have come with being stuck in the position of being a stupid fat white american man. Can I really change myself?
So many people just pigeon hole you right from the start, they see you for what they think you are, and thats all you can ever be to them. It's disheartening.
But these is where your supposed to be strong, this is where you tell the world to go fuck itself. If you truly have the ability to turn your back on the world, and not care about how it perceives you; then I'm am jealous of you. Because without those limitations you can accomplish anything.