circumscription
"You can be anything you want to be when you grow up." Thats what parents and teachers tell you as your growing up. This was supposed to encourage us to believe that we could accomplish our dreams no matter what they be. The mentality being that with hard work you can accomplish anything. I used to prescribe to this school of thought. But more and more I'm starting to believe that it is impossible to overcome and change what we are. When I try to change for the better I honestly find myself feeling out of my skin. Like I"m attempting to defy nature by being something other than what comes naturally to me.
I wonder if I should just give up and accept what I am, for being all that can be and move on. But then you hear stories of people changing themselves through hard work...is it possible?
I have two sides to me, a good side and a bad side. The good side is optimistic, he believes he can do anything, he will find a way to beat his weight problem, he will write everyday, eat well everyday, play bass everyday, try to speak up around girls everyday, he will do the right thing everyday. My bad side has given up, he believes he is what he is, that he will always be fat, he will always be an asshole, that playing bass is pointless because he'll never get good at it or be in a band, that girls are a lost cause, and he is inherently too weak to do the right thing.
The sad part is I feel that more people believe I am the bad side then the good side. Or maybe thats just the bad side talking. I want to be a better person, so many people inspire me to be more then just a stupid fat white american man. But then again I think I am stuck in so many limitations that have come with being stuck in the position of being a stupid fat white american man. Can I really change myself?
So many people just pigeon hole you right from the start, they see you for what they think you are, and thats all you can ever be to them. It's disheartening.
But these is where your supposed to be strong, this is where you tell the world to go fuck itself. If you truly have the ability to turn your back on the world, and not care about how it perceives you; then I'm am jealous of you. Because without those limitations you can accomplish anything.
I wonder if I should just give up and accept what I am, for being all that can be and move on. But then you hear stories of people changing themselves through hard work...is it possible?
I have two sides to me, a good side and a bad side. The good side is optimistic, he believes he can do anything, he will find a way to beat his weight problem, he will write everyday, eat well everyday, play bass everyday, try to speak up around girls everyday, he will do the right thing everyday. My bad side has given up, he believes he is what he is, that he will always be fat, he will always be an asshole, that playing bass is pointless because he'll never get good at it or be in a band, that girls are a lost cause, and he is inherently too weak to do the right thing.
The sad part is I feel that more people believe I am the bad side then the good side. Or maybe thats just the bad side talking. I want to be a better person, so many people inspire me to be more then just a stupid fat white american man. But then again I think I am stuck in so many limitations that have come with being stuck in the position of being a stupid fat white american man. Can I really change myself?
So many people just pigeon hole you right from the start, they see you for what they think you are, and thats all you can ever be to them. It's disheartening.
But these is where your supposed to be strong, this is where you tell the world to go fuck itself. If you truly have the ability to turn your back on the world, and not care about how it perceives you; then I'm am jealous of you. Because without those limitations you can accomplish anything.
posted by -tim- at 1:20 AM
4 Comments:
THANX..IM KIND OF A WUSS..I ALSO HAVE A XANGA BLOG THAT I USE AS A DECOY...THAT ONE EVERYONE I KNOW CAN GET TO IT...SO I DECIDED TO BE ANONYMOUS ON THIS ONE..WORK ON MYSELF BY BEING TOTALLY HONEST.WHICH IF ONE THINKS ABOUT IT DEFEATS THE WHOLE IDEA.BUT THATS OK..I WAS NEVER ALL THAT NORMAL ANYWAYS.TAKE CARE.
yo its nelson. that forum i did, it answers every question you just asked. and a shit load more. anything that has ever happened to you, doesnt actually mean anything. if you let it mean something, thats a different story. instead of letting the fact that you were fat yesterday mean that your probably gonna be fat today, why dont you make it mean that you can be skinny today? and then actually go and do skinny things? every shortcoming in your own life is a result of your own actions. yeah others may be richer or cuter or whatever, but if you want, that could just mean that they had a headstart. and when you have worked to "catch up" to them, if thats what your going for, youll already have the momentum to surpass them. the rich get richer because the poor let them.
hi, its me again...
im new to this blog, so imma attached myself to u so that maybe one day we can call each other friends...that cool that your taking a philosophy class, i've always wanted to take one.im not in school right now and not sure if that was the best idea.i do love debates nad discussions...but one thing i found out for me, is the more questions u answer, the more puzzle it get because the circle never ends..its starts with the mind and the mind will never stop unless u make it...im not sure but u might enjoy osho.he's a freakishly weird man with such depth of himself, thus a lot of wisdom of others...u might enjoy his work...
beleive me, he makes u question..but his questions matter..
p.s.is its ok can u give me the dude's 'before my comment' forum(sorry my memory really sucks)..if not its all good...
sweet dreams........
To Nelson: I dont doubt that I am my own worst enemy. The typical montra you hear coming from a deperesed person is that they blaim the world, god, soceity etc. I might be a victim of circumstance but I couldn't have gotten in this rut without my own laziness. Some would call this the first step to recovery, but it takes alot more than that. I get more curious about this forum everytime you speak about it. Thanks for commenting
To MPSOUL: What he's talking about was this confrenece/forum he attended that costs money like $400 dollars I think, and they help you sort out your life. As far as I can tell it seems that they help you rewire your thinking so that you live more efficiently and happily. But I'm sure he could tell you more about it, since I've never been to it.
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