A Story That I Should Have Told A Long Time Ago: I Saw Walrus Rape.
It's True; it happened. I was there and little children were there. It just might have been the most hilarious thing I ever saw in my entire life, but lets start at the beginning...
Well it was the end of this past summer and my friends had kicked around ideas for things that we could go do that would probably generate good stories. Normally the best involve getting lost in NY so we thought what might be done there. Then my friend Sam and my friend Dan said they had been thinking about visiting the NY Aquarium, I said it sounded cool so we set a date and we all went. Yes, 3 college kids planned a trip to the aquarium; were still children at heart so back the fuck up.
The trip there was just as fucking crazy as what we saw there, such as taking the subway half an hour the wrong way (there's a jamaica in NY?) when we finally got on the train going the right way, making friends with several people on the subway (shivers), it was only a short 2 hour trip *groans*. We finally arrived and with goofy grins on our faces and a look of disbelief of the ticket seller we strolled into the amazing NY Aquarium.
At first I was annoyed by the amount of loud small children that were there, but they would add to the hilarity later so it's ok. We saw everything, anything that bored us we blew right through we didnt' have to wait for dad to take pictures at every exhibit this was the way family attractions were meant to be expierenced, skipping ahead of people who got in your way and using your height to your advantage yelling out loud obnoxious comments about fish and comparing the smells in certain rooms to female genitalia included. But I have to say that the highlight of our trip and perhaps the highlight of my life occured when we visited the underwater viewing area of the Walrus tank.
What immediately grabbed our attention was the giant walrus statue that you could take your picture on which we did...if I can find that picture it will end up on this blog post I promise. But I gazed over to see a family standing at the glass as 2 walruses kept swimming towards the glass and then turning at the last second much to the joy and loud screeching of the families children. We also found this cool so we wandered up and started watching.
The daring swimming lasted for several minutes when not too long a third, rather large walrus strolled up. Quickly one of the smaller of the two walruses made a run for it, something was up. The third large walrus swam right up to the glass and banged his head against the glass. The mother of the family playfully banged back, and the walrus answered louder each time. Then he swam away. The smaller walrus remained floating near the glass seemingly staring at us all. Then all of a sudden the large walrus was back and he head butted the smaller walrus and started pinning her against the glass. I watched on telling myself there is now way what I think is happening is happening, but oh it was. The family seemed a little concerned for the children but stil they watched on, another had walked up during this and they too were mesmerized by the walrus rapist at work. The mother started playfullying yelling "stay away from her," but I saw the look in the walrus's eyes he was getting some tail no matter what. Then by far the funniest thing happened. The walrus awkwardly positioned himself behind his victim and exposed a phallus that was easily as long as my arm as this awkward moment everyone was trying to find the words my friends and I started to chuckle this broke out into painful fits of laughter when one of the daughters in the first family screamed in horror (I'm laughing right now as I type this). The walrus banged her in the head several more times as he tried to violate her right in front of us. But I guess it wasn't easy to hold her still since he had no hands just flippers(not good for walrus rape). The walrus went for the goal and might have scored but both walrus's swam off, perhaps she was going to call the rape hotline I dunno but I swear I don't think much will ever top the moment when that walrus went for the kill and that little girl screamed in horror. I immediately knew there was a god, and he defintely had our sense of humor.
If it wasn't for walrus rape, I'd never get laid!
Well it was the end of this past summer and my friends had kicked around ideas for things that we could go do that would probably generate good stories. Normally the best involve getting lost in NY so we thought what might be done there. Then my friend Sam and my friend Dan said they had been thinking about visiting the NY Aquarium, I said it sounded cool so we set a date and we all went. Yes, 3 college kids planned a trip to the aquarium; were still children at heart so back the fuck up.
The trip there was just as fucking crazy as what we saw there, such as taking the subway half an hour the wrong way (there's a jamaica in NY?) when we finally got on the train going the right way, making friends with several people on the subway (shivers), it was only a short 2 hour trip *groans*. We finally arrived and with goofy grins on our faces and a look of disbelief of the ticket seller we strolled into the amazing NY Aquarium.
At first I was annoyed by the amount of loud small children that were there, but they would add to the hilarity later so it's ok. We saw everything, anything that bored us we blew right through we didnt' have to wait for dad to take pictures at every exhibit this was the way family attractions were meant to be expierenced, skipping ahead of people who got in your way and using your height to your advantage yelling out loud obnoxious comments about fish and comparing the smells in certain rooms to female genitalia included. But I have to say that the highlight of our trip and perhaps the highlight of my life occured when we visited the underwater viewing area of the Walrus tank.
What immediately grabbed our attention was the giant walrus statue that you could take your picture on which we did...if I can find that picture it will end up on this blog post I promise. But I gazed over to see a family standing at the glass as 2 walruses kept swimming towards the glass and then turning at the last second much to the joy and loud screeching of the families children. We also found this cool so we wandered up and started watching.
The daring swimming lasted for several minutes when not too long a third, rather large walrus strolled up. Quickly one of the smaller of the two walruses made a run for it, something was up. The third large walrus swam right up to the glass and banged his head against the glass. The mother of the family playfully banged back, and the walrus answered louder each time. Then he swam away. The smaller walrus remained floating near the glass seemingly staring at us all. Then all of a sudden the large walrus was back and he head butted the smaller walrus and started pinning her against the glass. I watched on telling myself there is now way what I think is happening is happening, but oh it was. The family seemed a little concerned for the children but stil they watched on, another had walked up during this and they too were mesmerized by the walrus rapist at work. The mother started playfullying yelling "stay away from her," but I saw the look in the walrus's eyes he was getting some tail no matter what. Then by far the funniest thing happened. The walrus awkwardly positioned himself behind his victim and exposed a phallus that was easily as long as my arm as this awkward moment everyone was trying to find the words my friends and I started to chuckle this broke out into painful fits of laughter when one of the daughters in the first family screamed in horror (I'm laughing right now as I type this). The walrus banged her in the head several more times as he tried to violate her right in front of us. But I guess it wasn't easy to hold her still since he had no hands just flippers(not good for walrus rape). The walrus went for the goal and might have scored but both walrus's swam off, perhaps she was going to call the rape hotline I dunno but I swear I don't think much will ever top the moment when that walrus went for the kill and that little girl screamed in horror. I immediately knew there was a god, and he defintely had our sense of humor.
If it wasn't for walrus rape, I'd never get laid!
posted by -tim- at 9:43 PM
2 Comments:
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha that is the funniest thing ever
I'd say that was probably the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. I was laughing while reading this post just from thinking back to that joyous day. Good times! WALRUS FUCKING IS NO JOKE.
Post a Comment
<< Home