So I've changed.
It's hilarious but people really have no idea what they want. They've had these pre-concieved ideas of what they want passed down, fed, and brainwashed to them; but what they truly want and truly need is very different from what they really want. After recent messes in my life where I finally admitted that I was lying to myself and others and that it wasn't healthy...I realized to truly be real with myself and truly feel secure and honest to who I am and how I present who I am to others I decided I have to watch myself and make sure I don't lie, to you or to me. Those around me applauded this and demanded the truth from me. But now that their getting it some of them don't like it.
One friend truly understood it, I told her all lies I had told her; appologized and told her the truth at first she was mad at me. She might have even hated me for it. But in time she came to understand that it was better this way. We're very casual friends now, and I'm ok with that. We used to be best friends, but thats a different story. Once we knew the truth than it was easier for us to realize who we really were, and not who we pretended to be.
Another friend is extremely displeased with the truth. She wants the lies and I can tell she does. But I refuse to do it for her. It's important for her to know the truth, and I told it to her. It wasn't fair that I lied to her, and led her to believe something that wasn't true but I can't be that fake person anymore. I can't suppress my inner voice just to please her. She lovingly calls me and asshole, and then remarks that I'm full of shit.
Maybe I am full of shit, but never have I felt more real and honest to myself before. One day she tells me I've changed, and the next she tells me I"m just the same. One thing she's sure of is that I'm an asshole. I can't pretend that were best friends when I really don't feel that way, I know who my real friends are. They ask nothing of me and would lay down their life if I asked it; I would do the same for them. I doubt we feel the same way.
I would be your friend again, but if you can't stand who I am then we can't. I don't regret anything I've done cuz I can't live my life feeling shitty over really petty shit that has NO negative affects in the long run. You need to think about what really matters in life, not the shit you feel the need to bitch to me about. Lets just be honest with each other. I'm ready when you are.
One friend truly understood it, I told her all lies I had told her; appologized and told her the truth at first she was mad at me. She might have even hated me for it. But in time she came to understand that it was better this way. We're very casual friends now, and I'm ok with that. We used to be best friends, but thats a different story. Once we knew the truth than it was easier for us to realize who we really were, and not who we pretended to be.
Another friend is extremely displeased with the truth. She wants the lies and I can tell she does. But I refuse to do it for her. It's important for her to know the truth, and I told it to her. It wasn't fair that I lied to her, and led her to believe something that wasn't true but I can't be that fake person anymore. I can't suppress my inner voice just to please her. She lovingly calls me and asshole, and then remarks that I'm full of shit.
Maybe I am full of shit, but never have I felt more real and honest to myself before. One day she tells me I've changed, and the next she tells me I"m just the same. One thing she's sure of is that I'm an asshole. I can't pretend that were best friends when I really don't feel that way, I know who my real friends are. They ask nothing of me and would lay down their life if I asked it; I would do the same for them. I doubt we feel the same way.
I would be your friend again, but if you can't stand who I am then we can't. I don't regret anything I've done cuz I can't live my life feeling shitty over really petty shit that has NO negative affects in the long run. You need to think about what really matters in life, not the shit you feel the need to bitch to me about. Lets just be honest with each other. I'm ready when you are.
posted by -tim- at 11:02 PM
1 Comments:
All that matters is that you are true to yourself. I've learned that the opinions and bickering of others can impact your life in such an insignificant way. Your true friends appreciate who you are and they wouldn't have you lie to change that person. No matter what happens, you are who you are. Be proud of your anger, remember the good times, and never change for anyone but yourself. I don't want to sound like I know the meaning of life or anything like that, but I know where my priorities lie. I'll see you online buddy.
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