Perception?

Whats your outlook on life? Are you positeve? Are you negative? People have told me constantly that I have a negative outlook on life. I've tried to be positeve, I try to think only good things will happen but when it doesn't...I feel like I've been fooled. I feel like here is what your rewarded for being idealistic, fate will spit in your face. Although I'll admit you're happier when you're positeve the fall is that much farther when you start up high, and that much harder to recover from... It's sad that I would consider "having no expectations means you can never be let down." In fight club Edward Norton's charcter finds peace of mind in hopelessness : "Losing all hope, was freedom." - Edward Norton(fightclub). Then why am I always so depressed about life...becaues one can't live with no expectations, humans thrive on hope...so even though I go "FUCK IT ALL IT WILL NEVER BE GOOD" part of me is thinking one day I'll look back and remark how stupid I was, because I have hope I can't get rid of it. I have major suppliers of hope, my closests friends would never give up on me as fast as I would sometimes...and I thank them for that.
I was reading an article in readers digest about how luck can be forced. Tests showed that people who had a positeve outlook on live and saw the good in bad were a certain percentage (apprently big enough to write about) better than those who were negative about things. Why science would tackle luck is beyond me, but I suppose that just being able to roll with punches would make life easier to live...ah but only if it were that easy.
I wish I could just be hypnotized to go to bed every night thinking I had just had the best day of my life, because in the end all you have to do is convince yourself...no one else. Everyone in the world could tell you how much they hate you, that you are the most worthless human being in the world; and you could smile back and it makes everything they just said meaningless, you can make all the lack of money, car, girlfriend, goals, whatever meaningless if you could only just smile and laugh at your misfortune. But it works in reverse too, everyone in the world could tell you how you are the most brilliant, sexy, popular person in the world and if you hate yourself it means absolutly nuthin...it's amazing how much power we have, but if your having a down day you can blame your boss for giving you shit or you can blame yourself for not just laughing it off, either way in the end it's your fault. I've realized it's my fault I hate my life, maybe I have to find things I like about it...

I hope this is the first step to recovery...